Elderly Passenger Serves In-Flight Meals After Stewardess Collapses At The Trolley

Dramatic footage, taken by a passenger, of one of the hot meals served by Mr Kelly from the stricken food trolley.

An astonishing tale of heroism and endurance emerged last night after it was revealed that a 77 year old man served over a hundred passengers with in-flight meals, including drinks and hot towels, after a stewardess was taking ill as she began serving passengers on board a Boeing 747 on route to Sharm El Sheik in Egypt on Monday night.

Alfie Kelly from Leighton Buzzard told reporters "It was around 9.00pm I suppose, and the wife and I were sitting towards the back of the plane waiting for our hot meal. I spotted the stewardess a little further down the aisle and noticed she looked a little pale and unsteady. All of a sudden the poor girl collapsed and just lay there motionless.

I immediately knew what I had to do and rushed up the aisle as quickly as I could and grabbed the trolley, which was rolling from side to side, completely out of control. Without thinking, I began serving the hot dinners to the other passengers. It was sheer instinct I suppose. I've never loaded a plastic tray with food cartons or poured tea and coffee into small cups while leaning forward in my life. How I managed to hold myself together I'll never know but thank God I did."

Another passenger, Mrs Maekela Thomas, 68, from Croydon in Surrey said "The old gentleman was absolutely wonderful. He looked calm and totally in control even though he was banging the trolley against some of the aisle seats from time to time. He even had the presence of mind to pat a few children on their heads whilst smiling cheerfully at their parents. The memory of him mincing down the gangway with that trolley is something that will live with me for ever. The man's a hero as far as I'm concerned"

It is understood that the every single passenger on board stood and cheered as he guided the trolley back into the galley with only a slight bump into the microwave, before entering the flight deck to chat to the pilots.

The stewardess concerned is believed to be recovering well at home after being given a full body spray tan, and oral sex by the co-pilot.

Miley Cyrus "Distraught" Over Fully Clothed Photographs

American teen pop sensation, Miley Cyrus, is to sue a French magazine after they published a series of photographs which appears to show her shopping in a Los Angeles mall wearing jeans and a sweater. Cyrus,21, who is famous for her daring stage outfits and  raunchy, "twerking" pop videos, was allegedly distraught when the pictures appeared in chic, Elle magazine, last Friday.

Her publicist told reporters "Miley is absolutely inconsolable right now. It's absolutely disgusting that she can't occasionally put some clothes on and walk around in public without some low life paparazzo with a long lens snapping her when she's at her most vulnerable. She wants all her fans to know that she's feeling a little ashamed right now and would like to reassure them that her latest video is even more outrageous than her last and features her writhing around with a number of male models, with not just her breasts on display, but her genitalia also. The matter is now in the hands of our attorneys"

Cyrus herself was reluctant to comment when our reporter visited her swish apartment in LA last night, but she did open the door in a flimsy negligee before offering to pose provocatively for our photographer.

Paul Gascoigne Spotted Sober At Train Station

                                                    Gascoigne Pictured In His Heyday

Friends of fallen sporting idol, Paul Gascoigne, expressed their concern last night as the ex England soccer idol was spotted at Victoria Station, accompanied by ex-wife Cheryl, in what was described by onlookers as a state of complete sobriety. This latest sighting comes hot on the heels of a similar incident 2 weeks ago when Gascoigne, 87, was seen waiting for a taxi in Gateshead, seemingly without the need to lean against a lamp post for support.

A bystander, who was at the scene said. "It was an appalling sight to be honest with you. Gazza appeared to be able to stand completely unaided, his speech was clear and unslurred and at one point he even chatted in a friendly manner to a group of schoolchildren. When he went into the buffet and came out with hot drinks for himself and Cheryl I had to turn away. Nobody likes to see a former sporting icon in that sort of condition do they?. I was hoping at one point that he might punch Cheryl a few times in the face, or at the very least give her a quick back-hander, but sadly he didn't even barge into her before vomiting over her top. It's tragic really"

Gazza's long time pal, and self-proclaimed radio legend, Danny Baker, told reporters. "It'a absolutely heartbreaking to see my old friend like this. I spoke to Chris Evans last night and we've decided to dig deep into our own pockets and take the boy on a two week bender to Magaluf, where hopefully, we can get him to see sense after a decent session on the grog and a quality stint of having raw spirits funnelled down his neck in The Dentist's Chair"

When we spoke to Gazza on the phone last night he appeared to be completely unaware of the episode and in a reminder of happier days he called me his best mate before threatening to take the fucking lot of us.