Paul Gascoigne Spotted Sober At Train Station

                                                    Gascoigne Pictured In His Heyday

Friends of fallen sporting idol, Paul Gascoigne, expressed their concern last night as the ex England soccer idol was spotted at Victoria Station, accompanied by ex-wife Cheryl, in what was described by onlookers as a state of complete sobriety. This latest sighting comes hot on the heels of a similar incident 2 weeks ago when Gascoigne, 87, was seen waiting for a taxi in Gateshead, seemingly without the need to lean against a lamp post for support.

A bystander, who was at the scene said. "It was an appalling sight to be honest with you. Gazza appeared to be able to stand completely unaided, his speech was clear and unslurred and at one point he even chatted in a friendly manner to a group of schoolchildren. When he went into the buffet and came out with hot drinks for himself and Cheryl I had to turn away. Nobody likes to see a former sporting icon in that sort of condition do they?. I was hoping at one point that he might punch Cheryl a few times in the face, or at the very least give her a quick back-hander, but sadly he didn't even barge into her before vomiting over her top. It's tragic really"

Gazza's long time pal, and self-proclaimed radio legend, Danny Baker, told reporters. "It'a absolutely heartbreaking to see my old friend like this. I spoke to Chris Evans last night and we've decided to dig deep into our own pockets and take the boy on a two week bender to Magaluf, where hopefully, we can get him to see sense after a decent session on the grog and a quality stint of having raw spirits funnelled down his neck in The Dentist's Chair"

When we spoke to Gazza on the phone last night he appeared to be completely unaware of the episode and in a reminder of happier days he called me his best mate before threatening to take the fucking lot of us.

Drunk Arrested After Being Suspected Of Having Parkinson's Disease

A 23 year old London man has spoken of his ordeal at the hands of police officers, who mistook his erratic, drunken behaviour in the street, for Parkinson's disease, and kept him locked in a police cell for 24 hours.

Tony Ford, from Pimlico, West London, told reporters that his ordeal began last Saturday night, after a bout of heavy drinking in a pub close to his home. "It was just a normal Saturday night really. I started on the grog at around 6.00pm and must have tucked away about 10 pints and a couple of sambucas by the time I left the boozer at 11.00 or so.

I was staggering down the street minding my own business when a police car pulled up alongside me. Two officers got out and started accusing me of having Parkinson's Disease. I tried to protest my innocence but they just wouldn't listen and bundled me into the back of the patrol car.

"They took me down the local nick at Ebury Bridge, and flung me in a cell. It was absolutely outrageous to be honest. I was cooped up all night with a couple of other blokes, one of whom was twitching about all over the shop and was clearly suffering from Parkinson's, while the other appeared to have Alzheimer's Disease, as he was wandering aimlessly around the cell and kept forgetting who we all were.

"They didn't release me until around 11.00am the next day, by which time I was in a terrible state. I was shaking like a shitting dog, and had a mouth like the bottom of a baby's pram. The officer that opened the cell was quite abusive to be honest and called me "a waste of space" and "A f******g parky"

I was then released on bail and told to go down the hospital and to "get myself sorted out"  It was a night I'll never forget in all honesty. To be an innocent, incoherent drunk, vomiting in front gardens and pissing in shop doorways, only to be accused of having a progressive and increasingly debilitating disease is something I wouldn't wish on my own worst enemy"

This latest incident follows on the heels of a similar case last month, when an 18 year old drunken girl, spotted by police lying outside a nightclub in a pool of her own vomit, was arrested and later released on bail after being charged with suspected epilepsy.