Soz Satire Presents: The Handy Self-Publishing Writer's Kit

Now Available in Kruger Rands 

Are you a monosyllabic, beetle-browed fuckwit with literary aspirations but don't have a clue how to get your stuff out there? Do your lips move when you read and do you have trouble stringing so much as two sentences together? Then The Soz Satire Handy Self-Publishing Writer's Kit is tailor-made for you.

To begin your new career as a published author simply send £20,000 to:

Soz Satire
The Boleyn Arms
Upton Park
East London

We guarantee that your miserable literary effort will be deleted by Amazon due to lack of interest in just weeks and that you'll be reduced to desperately posting a link to your risible old toot on Facebook and Twitter before you can say "How do you spell "preface?"

Testimonial: I can't read or write but just days after investing in this wonderful item I was being cyber bullied and ridiculed on every social media site you can think of. Thanks Soz Satire! - Larry Jizzum. Millwall, South London.