Mrs
Sandra Phillips, 42, of 23 Mablethorpe Avenue, Bromley By Bow East London.
Tel. 09756439. Fax. 09543112, asked that her name and address
be withheld as she tries to come to terms with her shame. Weeping openly, and frequently pausing to regain her composure, Mrs Phillips revealed.
"I just cant believe this is happening, it's all come as such a shock. I
woke up on Wedesday morning and found him lying dead beside me.
Naturally I assumed it was as the direct result of some kind of
sickening act of auto eroticism but to my horror I soon realised he'd
died as a result of heart failure and that there were no vile, seedy,
extenuating circumstances whatsoever.
"Naturally
I tried to disguise the fact before the ambulance arrived, by dressing
him in a giant nappy and ramming a spiked ball gag in his mouth, but
there just wasn't time. The deep sense of shame I felt when the
paramedics told me he'd slipped away peacefully in his sleep will live
with me forever."
Mrs Philips, herself a
prominent London human rights solicitor went on. "I knew almost
immediately after the wedding that things weren't quite right. He began
coming to bed in his pyjama's and then falling asleep without making
any gut wrenchingly abhorrent sexual demands. Things had seemed so
normal during our courtship, and even on our first date he instructed me
to flagellate his nether regions with a barbed leather flail and asked
me if I'd be prepared to indulge in a heinous act of extreme
watersports. I thought all my girlhood dreams had come true to be honest
but I now realise he was just lulling me into a false sense of security
"Things
then began to go downhill at an alarming rate and his sickening
depravity seemed to tail right off. It all came to a head a few weeks
before the wedding when he asked me to come to bed in a wnycyette
nightie. He then just set the alarm clock before going to sleep.
Naturally I was appalled and should have heard all the warning bells,
but like all impressionable young girls I was blinded by love and
thought things would improve with time.
"The
real hammer blow however, came on our honeymoon in Bali when he spent 3
or 4 minutes in the bathroom cleaning his teeth. He then came to bed and
made love to me in the missionary position for around 5 or 6 minutes
before rolling over and falling asleep. I cried myself to sleep that
night and the sheer horror of his actions will be with me until my final
breath. I just felt so used and dirty.
"In
order to spare their feelings, I've told our three children that daddy
passed away in a filthy rub and tug parlour in Walthamstow. That it was
as a result of being asphyxiated and flagellated to death by an,
overweight prostitute in stockings and suspenders. However, what they'll
make of it when the true circumstances come to light I absolutely dread
to think. All I ever asked of him during our long marriage was that he
indulge in a few nauseating sexual practices from time to time and that he got caught now and then in an
appallingly embarrassing situation by one of the Sunday papers. I just feel numb at the moment to be honest with you. I feel as if he's let me down, his party down, and the whole family down.
The
Prime Minister made a brief statement from outside a Thai, bondage and S
& M den last night, in which he stated. "While we mourn the death of
a well loved and hard-working colleague and friend, we would never
condone this type of unacceptable behaviour. This great party of ours
has been built on a proud history of appalling, and at times, downright
nauseatingly vile, sexual excesses and as long as I'm at the helm this
great tradition will be maintained. Our thoughts and prayers however
must go out to his wife and family at this terribly difficult time".
Mr
Philips funeral will be held next Thursday at All Saints Church,
Cripplegate, London when it's believed his body will be displayed in a
glass top coffin and dressed in a baby doll nightie
and skin-diving flippers to save the family further distress.
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Tsk!.......you disgust me!
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