Graphic by Mina
In a move designed to settle, once and for all, the vexed question of which religious faith has the correct doctrine, religious leaders from across the globe have agreed to take part in a bar billiards tournament with the winner being crowned the head of the true faith.
The showdown is scheduled to take place in the public bar of The Carpenters Arms in Cheshire Street, Bethnal Green, E2 on 23 November starting at 7.30 with the winner being crowned just before closing time at 1.30am.
A spokesman for The Church Of England Synod welcomed the proposal last night “It’s high time the question of which religion worships the true deity was decided and what better way to settle the debate once and for all than through a bloody good night on the ale with a good old fashioned stint of bar billiards to get the issue squared away. On a personal note we’re quietly confident of success as The Archbishop Of Canterbury is an absolute bandit on the green baize. Only last Christmas I saw him whip The Dalai Llama in a best of 3 pool match in The Hospital Tavern Whitechapel, and that was with 7 or 8 pints of Guinness under his belt”
However, there was one dissenting voice from the Roman Catholic Holy See, whose spokesman said “While we’re not completely against the move we’d have much preferred to get the thing settled with a darts match. The Pope is a very useful man with the arrows, who only last week, thrashed The Chief Rabbi 3-0, which included a 9 dart finish, in a little drinker in The Balls Pond Road”
Tickets will be on sale from Nov 1, with prices ranging from 30 pieces of silver for a stool at the bar overlooking the table, to a widow’s mite for a standing position next to the gent’s.
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